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Great Sex & Self-Connection Through the Art of Solo Dining and Self-Pleasure

Writer's picture: Lisette OstranderLisette Ostrander

I had this beautiful evening out in Monopoli, Italy, a couple of weeks ago and got inspired by this idea of how the art of solo dining and self-pleasure can lead to great sex and self-connection.  


(** When I say great sex, this doesn’t JUST mean sex with a partner(s) and sex with penetration.  Great sex can be with yourself and it can involve any kind of sexual interaction, kissing, touching, clothes on, clothes off, etc. !! ) 




What inspired me to connect solo dining, self-pleasure, and great sex?


Pleasure has been on my mind! 


I am in Italy now. I am in week number 5 of a 2-month adventure.  


A few weeks ago, I was in Monopoli in the Puglia region. I  was feeling very grateful. I decided to treat myself to a nice dinner.  I planned it a week ahead, making many meals at the apartment to balance my splurge.  


I have been dining out alone for most of my trip, but this solo dining experience was different. I made it special. The restaurant was highly recommended. I made reservations. I dressed up. The weather was gorgeous. My table was outside, facing a walkway with some good people watching ( but not too busy), and it all overlooked the Adriatic Sea. 


I also have been in this pleasure zone - priming myself for pleasure. Not only am I in a country that takes in and enjoys moments of pleasure, but for the past 5 weeks, I have been in this pleasure world, diving deep into my studies, holistic pleasure practices, and coaching for my sex, love, and intimacy coaching certification program. 


One of the biggest takeaways from my sex, love, and intimacy coaching learnings is that we have the ability to expand our capacity for pleasure. We can expand the breadth (variety of experiences that give us pleasure)  and depth of our pleasure (the intensity and quality of the sensations).


We can rewire our brains and bodies to experience more pleasure. We can expand our capacity for pleasure through intention, mindfulness, and holistic pleasure/sex tools (breathing, sounding, movement, focus, and energy).  


Expanding our capacity for pleasure is an art, meaning it is a skill we can develop (ANYONE CAN DEVELOP THIS!).  Expanding our pleasure isn't dependent on anyone else. Whether single or in a partnership, you can expand your capacity for pleasure. 


Why Does Solo Dining and Self-Pleasure Lead to Great Sex and Self-connection?  


This is how I see the connection between solo dining and self-pleasure and why the art of both of these practices leads to great sex and self-connection...


Building Skills and Comfort


Like any art, solo dining and self-pleasure require practice.  I think we accept this with solo dining and assume that initially, we will not be good at it and will feel slightly uncomfortable. 


But for self-pleasure and sex, WE ASSUME THAT WE SHOULD BE GOOD AT IT, and there is something wrong with us if we are not good at it or feel uncomfortable.


However, like solo dining, self-pleasure & great sex are an art, meaning it takes practice, and it is a SKILL THAT CAN BE LEARNED BY ANYONE!  


 Knowing this and intentionally building your skills and comfort leads to great sex and self-connection. 


*** I also want to note that when I say skills, I don't mean learning positions or the kind of sex skills you read about in Cosmo. I am talking about the skills of  intention, mindfulness, and holistic pleasure/sex tools (breathing, sounding, movement, focus, and energy).


Learning to Feel Your Feelings 


Solo dining and self-pleasure teach you how to savor moments, even when uncomfortable feelings arise. It's an exercise in patience and mindfulness—instead of stopping or distracting yourself when uncomfortable feelings occur (e.g., pulling out your phone during your solo dinner because you feel uncomfortable), pause and acknowledge your feelings, allow them to be there, and breathe into them. 


Take a moment and think, "Where do you feel these feelings/sensations in your body?" Then, think about "What do these feelings/sensations feel like in your body? "  These exercises help you train your brain and body to stay present and feel your feelings. 


Feeling your feelings and becoming more attuned to the sensations in your body are foundational for great sex and a stronger connection to yourself!!! 


Exploring Yourself


Solo dining and self-pleasure allow you to explore parts of yourself you might not have known before and spark your creativity. You also have the opportunity to notice what feels good and what doesn't feel good to you.  All of this is exactly what is needed for great sex and a stronger connection to yourself.


Ideas to Practice the Art of Solo Dining & Self-Pleasure for Great Sex and Self Connection. 


Create Rituals

Make solo dining and self-pleasure special. Set a date, dress up. Light a candle, play music, and take your time. These rituals can turn an ordinary experience into an extraordinary one. These rituals also signal to your brain and body that you are doing something just for you and that your intention is to explore and feel pleasure. 


Reduce Distractions

Be present in the moment. Put your phone on silent or away, and focus on your breath if your mind wanders. Notice the sensations in your body—to shift your focus from your head to your body.


Activate Your Senses

Engage all five senses during your experience. Notice what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel. Whether dining solo or indulging in self-pleasure, this awareness enhances the experience and brings you closer to yourself. Also, take the time to feel what pleasure feels like in your body. Imagine the feeling of pleasure in your body as you are activating your five senses.  This takes some practice, but the more you do it, the easier it is to tune in and feel pleasure. 


Choose the Right Environment

For solo dining, I recommend finding a restaurant and a seat with a view or where you can people-watch or listen to live music, etc. I think this makes the experience more enjoyable and comforting, knowing you have somewhere to place your gaze when feeling a bit out of place. It also helps lessen the temptation to pull out your phone and distract yourself! For self-pleasure, clean up your space a bit, make it cozy, light a candle, and put on some music. 


Time and No Expectations

Take your time and enter these practices without expecting a specific outcome. It's about enjoying the process and staying open to whatever arises.  Not every solo dining experience of self-pleasure experience will be amazing, and that is ok. Not every self-pleasure session has to end with an orgasm. It can be simply to explore yourself to get to know yourself better and feel the sensations of pleasure.


Pleasure Mindset 

Going into both the experiences of solo dining and self-pleasure with the mindset that this is something YOU GET TO DO, not have to do. Meaning that you are not solo dining and self-pleasuring because you don't have anyone to eat with or have sex with. Yes, that might be the case, but having the mindset that you are doing this for yourself and through these experiences, you are building the skills to expand your capacity for pleasure!!  I highly recommend solo dining  and regular self-pleasure for people who do have someone to go eat with and a partner to have sex with!


Prime for Pleasure

Take moments regularly throughout your day and week to focus on what brings you pleasure. Priming for pleasure is thinking about what brings you pleasure and taking time regularly to feel it in your body. Visualize an experience that brings you pleasure and feel the sensations of pleasure in your body. If you can’t think of something that brings you pleasure, imagine what pleasure feels like in your body and and take time to feel that feeling. Doing this for 5 minutes a day can start to rewire your brain and body to experience more pleasure. 





 


If any of this resonated, reach out and say hi!! Also, let me know if you want to discuss any of these concepts further or would like to learn more about how to prime yourself for pleasure and expand your capacity for pleasure through self-pleasure and other areas of your life!!!


Starting November 22—mid-December, I am opening up some coaching slots to complete my core coaching certification hours. I will offer three sessions to four individuals in exchange for feedback.  If you are interested send me a message.


I am off to Martina Franca and Alberobello in Puglia. I am going to spend a few days on a family run farm/vineyard.  I will then be heading back to Rome for a few days and then Tuscany to meet my mom. 




Sending you a lot of love!!! 

Lisette 

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